I left graduate school believing that very soon I would have a job, career, ministry ... something that I would feel fulfilled in and gain experience from. I didn't feel the need to pay attention to a conversation I had with my grandfather driving home cross-country back to Oregon. We were talking about knowing what one is supposed to do with one's life, and I asked him, "How do I know that it is exactly where I should be at?"
My grandpa shared a piece of advice I would forget, only to remember it after I had to learn the hard way: "Larissa," he said, "when you pray, pray as to get to know Christ. Prayer is about knowing our Father in heaven."
A little taken aback at the seeming irrelevancy of the advice, I nodded my head and changed lanes. I have to remember this, I thought. OK, I told myself, I should pray to know Christ; OK, I have to do that ... then I will know what God's will is for me.
Months down the road after discouragement, angst, anger and frustration, I found myself still in the same place, still with no perspective future, unemployed and even more worried and restless than before.
I sat on the rocks by a river near our house, having spent a week in tears and confusion, feeling broken and overwhelmed. I felt as though I had somehow fallen into a deep ditch, and I could not even find any foothold to climb out. I had never felt so discouraged in my life. When looking at where I could be in five years or even five months, I could not even conjure up a small picture through the blackness that enveloped me.
Looking out across the river, I just sat. I did nothing.
And a question came to me: "Larissa, what are you waiting for?"
That was easy. "For You, Lord."
"Larissa, what are you waiting for?"
Hmm. "For You, of course, Lord."
"Larissa, what are you waiting for?"
I began to feel like Peter, "Um ... for You, Lord!"
"Are you really?"
This question came softly, like a gentle hand that lifted up my chin to help me see more than my feet.
I asked myself the question again, "Am I really?" It dawned on me slowly and my grandfather's words came back to me: "When you pray, pray to know Christ."
Source: Relevant Magazine | Larissa Peters
